Discovery Of 37 Universes, 114 Rogue Planets, And One Emotionally Unavailable Black Hole Using Improvised Cosmic Equipment

Astronomy has long been limited by the boundaries of reality and grant funding. We at IGISS reject such limitations. Our central hypothesis: If we can dream it, space probably already did it. Our aim was to move beyond conventional physics and dive boldly into the absurd, where the cosmos is not a cold void, but a warm, metaphorical lasagna—layered, confusing, and slightly burnt around the edges.

Our revolutionary observatory consists of:
• The Pringloscope™: A highly advanced telescope built using a recycled Pringles can, three magnifying glasses, and stubborn optimism.
• The CosmoVibe Receiver: A wire coat hanger wrapped around an old Nokia phone set to vibrate whenever Jupiter is feeling “off.”
• The Felinometric Navigator: Our lead feline researcher, Professor Whiskerstein, who stared deeply into the night sky (and the void) for 42 consecutive hours.
• AI-powered Thought Collider: GPT-powered simulations combined with the sleep-deprived imagination of a caffeineriddled postdoc.
Data were collected exclusively during episodes of Ancient Aliens and filtered using a colander from our office kitchenette.

Using this rigorous setup, we discovered:
• 37 New Universes: All orbiting a mysterious “Central Ego Nebula,” suspected to be the galactic equivalent of a middle child.
• 114 Rogue Planets: One of which appears to be a giant sentient potato currently broadcasting signals in Morse code spelling “Send Salsa.”
• One Disgruntled Black Hole: Which seems to suffer from cosmic burnout and refuses to consume matter until it has had “some me-time.”
• A Moon Made Entirely of Rejected Conference Posters: Confirming our suspicion that academia is cyclical across dimensions.
Several wormholes were also observed forming spontaneously during arguments over pineapple on pizza.

Our findings challenge current models of astrophysics, metaphysics, and metaphysical astrophysics. The observed phenomena suggest that the multiverse might not only be real, but actively trolling us. Planet #72, for instance, closely resembles Earth but appears to have evolved a dominant species of hyper-intelligent squirrels who run a functioning democracy.

We also posit the existence of Dark Cheese Energy, an unexplained force holding galaxies together through lactose-based attraction. This may explain why black holes are lactose intolerant yet deeply drawn to dairy-rich planets.

The universe is far weirder, more insecure, and vastly more carbohydrate-based than previously imagined. Through our patented blend of non-traditional instrumentation, feline intuition, and interdimensional guesswork, we have not only expanded humanity’s view of the cosmos but also confirmed the value of whimsical nonsense in the face of scientific elitism.

We welcome peer review, preferably by psychic goats or musical theatre critics.

Dr. Sanjay invented everything. Professor Whiskerstein conducted most of the fieldwork while napping.

Generously unfunded by the Institute for Galactic Imaginometry and Subspace Snacks.

The author occasionally identifies as a nebula and has beef with Saturn.